True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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