I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
