god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
