How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
