how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
