did you get engaged???
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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