you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize