can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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