you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
