he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
