I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
