420 ftw
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
