Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
