Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
