I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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