morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
