was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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