I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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