so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
