oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
