apparently the secret to your success is patron
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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