you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have fence marks all over my body
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize