it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
