That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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