i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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