I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
