you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I stole a fireplace last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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