I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
