im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
