How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
