I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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