i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
