The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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