goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize