i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
