just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
