why didn't you poke me back
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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