i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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