what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
