Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think a kid would responsible me up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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