You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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