Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
