She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
