Four minutes until I can fart!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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