I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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