i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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