I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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