i don't like sucking hair
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
