Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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