Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
