he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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