i jhust puked up my retainher.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
