all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
