Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
