Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
