New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The air was thick with penises
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
