I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
