As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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