Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
