I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
