So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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