PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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