so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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