You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
