...so i touched it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
