Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
