Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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