they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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