I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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