Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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