I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
