Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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