i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
