I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
