i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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