I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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