I want to make a zoo with you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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