Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
