i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
